This blog is meant for my own discretion and it is here not to intimidate anyone or whatever so ever.This is my own opinion on how I feel on things.On top of that I will host images,jokes,movies n many more.Feel free to give me ya comments on the issues of the events.So enjoy and have a fun time reading it.
Visitors (Since 010206)
About Me
Name::THE SAINT From::Singapore, Singapore
Straight forward,down to earth,patient,tolerant,loves to smile a lot,loves to indulge in interesting conversations, adventurous. View my complete profile
Since Friday, there is this pain in my chest and it is getting worse. I hardly could breath much now as the pain is getting worse,its like a knife poking through my heart. I tried to sleep but could not and I got up and sat on my chair. Trying to breathe easily. Did not wanna tell my mum about it or she would get worried. I am not getting any better now eversince the day she left I have become worse. I stopped smoking again cuz of the pain, sometimes I wish she was here as she could comfort me in this pain in my chest. I just do not want to get admitted as I know it will be hard for me to come out of the hospital later.
I need to work later in the night and tomorrow morning I need to rush to my office for work also. Am I stressing myself out faster.When she is with me the pain seems to come and than ease away but now the pain gets more and more.One day I might not even wake up, for onlly GOD knows.I know I have made some mistakes but for someone to forgive me seems to be the hardest thing for her to do.If I am really gone one day,than will she be happier.In life,no one means harm to anyone. Things have been said out of anger which do not have any actions done to it.A person who learns to forgive and learns to accept the truth is someone that is strong in virtue and integrity.I will try my best to endure this pain now but I know I might collapse one day soon.Is my time near?I hope GOD will forgive me. I dont need any sympathy from anyone, all I need is understanding.When I told her that I was sick, I never lied to her.It was the truth.I have been keeping the truth away from my family and friends for some time now.Maybe cuz I dont want others to worry about me. I never like to make others worry.Dear wolfmaiden, I am sorry for all the things you think I might have done and I am sorry for all the things that I have said.All I ever wanted was you as you made me feel happy and contented in being with you and the kids.I have never felt like that before in my entire life and I just wanted you to be strong in the right things you do.Thank you for the time I had with you even though you will never give me another chance.I pray that one day GOD will open ya eyes to see the truth that you have always thought as a lie.Ok I better end here for now as my chest is getting very painful and I also need to rush to work.I hope I could get by today.
GOD BLESS N GOD SPEED.
Posted by THE SAINT ::
Sunday, July 27, 2008 ::
---------------oOo---------------
Does it matter how I am treated
Well tis weekend, I have been sitting down and doing some thinking. It does not matter how she treats me or what she think of me. As long as I know I did not do anything wrong, I have nothing to worry about. I myself dont understand what she means when she says she knows that I did everything. In fact in my own opinion she does not at all, she always thinks that she could judge a person without even knowing the truth. At least there is one thing I know, I am better than her as I dont go around hurting anyone like the way she does.
All I will do is do what I think is right and if she wants to create more trouble so be it. In the end she will only make others look at her more. All I try to do was tell her things honestly where she cant come to accept, people cant accept reality but love lies. She does not even know that she is being lied upon by others whom she thinks she could trust. She basically will not learn a thing which I have taught her in the past. You will get back everything, I have no hatred against you nor to I bear any grudge against you.The only thing I know is that I do love you but since you cant accept it, I will just stay away.You can never be alone as you need it more doing it with someone.I guess both of us are 2 different person.I dont care anymore if you wanna throw you temper or say anything bad about me like you always do when you are with someone else whom I have seen.In my heart I know I might say certain things out of anger but I never meant what I say cuz you are so annoying always making a fuss about something which you always think I did.If you are honest enough you will at least give me a call and talk things out in a nicer way so that I too could let you know that all this could be done in a better way. Whatever bad you do to me I have to protect myself by defending it.Just sit down and think whether you are a cruel person or someone who could work things out rather than hide and run away from the truth like in the very beginning. You did it to me once when you were with Chris and now it seems you made it worse.
I just do my things and get my things done.When the time comes you will need me and we will see how it feels when that happens.No point in me for hating you or anything cuz it makes me grow older with wringle face and lost of hair like what you are going through. The daughter will be like the mother and we look like the mother when she reaches that age. You are almost getting there.I never have any bad thoughts about you nor have I done anything bad to you, only I did some stupid things like coming to the company and making a scene and some other scenes in places where we were in the past.Either than that I did not do anything, whether you believe it or not I dont really care.I have been honest to you and have always treated you nice but you never stop being rude to me nor hurt my feelings badly.Starting from next week,things will change for the better for me as I have decided.
Posted by THE SAINT ::
Sunday, July 27, 2008 ::
---------------oOo---------------
26 July, 2008
Somethings which I have realised
I realised that it is no point talking to her as she is very immature in many things. She always like to make a scene of many things and do not know how to come to an understanding.She always expects things to be her way. Since there is no point talking about it, I guess there are many things she does not need. Since she is with another man whom I know, I guess it no point doing anything anymore. Like my friends say, when they need something they will come and look for you for help but when they dont they treat you like rubbish.
Why cant she learn to be mature as she is already old enough. She does blames me for everything and she says she knows that it is all my fault when she dont know who is the one who started it. She did that to me once by asking Chris to send emails to my friends and pretended she did not know anything and now she is doing the same thing over again. I have receive mails from my friends with regards to certain matters which I did not want to say in the beginning. So I guess she is starting her nonsense again like she use to. A leopard like I have said will never change its spots.Anyway now I have come to the point to think that I should not bother much about her as she is out to cheat the next person as usual. Since she could never talk to me nicely, there will be a time when things get out of hand that she will realize what was said was too late. She always never realizes her mistakes and when it happens and it is too late,she blames again. There is a saying,"Take care of the means and the end will take care of itself."
As for that asshole in canada...he's forever an ass. I remember the time his wife came to cycle on a Saturday and made a big commotion. I even told some of my former guys what happened. You should look at his face the way his wife questioned him, haha.......well now there is one thing that is clear that he dont ever cross my path or he will know what I mean by nothing is inevitable.
Anyway as long as I am honest and truthful, I dont need to worry about what others say like her, she worries that people look at her in a certain way which people normally do after what she has made happened and now she is doing it again. I mean come on...watching porn during working hours and chatting very long on the phone or msn when she has nothing to do. I mean there are better things to do like what I have told her in the past. Learn something, upgrade yourself. Men prefer women who are smart in certain ways and know how to be independent. Anyway she is growing old now and her looks are fading also. But I am not interested in that in her, she will not know it at all. Different person have different opinions.Talking to her now is like being in a war zone. One day when she lose what I told her than only will she realize that she must change. Now she can enjoy herself with as many men as she wants as she is free to do so which she has always wanted.I loved her honestly and faithfully, never have I cheated on her before, not even once. At least I know where I stand but she did not treasure nor cherish it at all.If she wants to hate me forever than so be it. I tried my best explaining and making things better but she does not seem to want it to be better but worse. She cant realize that talking things out would settle alot of differences and make us come to an understanding. When you tell me not to touch you but you forgot that the way you touch me, sometimes you just make too much of a scene but only in the end you make a fool of yourself by people around you watching and talking behind you. You tend to keep too many secrets and lie to many times but you will never come to be totally honest in the things that you do to others. If your intentions are to hurt others you will have more to blame on yourself. Anyway I will do the most honest thing whether you like it or not but every month you will get the amount you want till it is completed.All I wanted was for us to work things out and at least we could be happy with each other but not you starting a scene or asking some other party(s) to send emails to my friends and telling them lies.I remembered clearly who started all this in the beginning and you just cant admit your fault but blame it on me all the time.Ok fine I will take the blame. It takes a stronger person to admit it when he/she is wrong.All you wanna do is save your on face.When will you ever learn that hurting someone is not right at all.Dont care what others do to you but just care that you are doing the honest thing.
Anyway it is time for me to leave for my job soon. You can go ahead and enjoy ya weekend with that guy and I know you will do more like what you want especially behind close doors.
Posted by THE SAINT ::
Saturday, July 26, 2008 ::
---------------oOo---------------
24 July, 2008
Memories that keep coming back
As I was on the way to work today morning, at Jurong East MRT, I boarded the train and there were alot of pre-school kids on the train. Looking at them, brings back memories of the time when I was having fun with Presley and Elvis. How much fun I had with them was what I enjoyed the most. I also remember the time when I had a heart to heart talk with the eldest son, telling him how much I love his mum. Both of us did cry but I never told her about it as I just say me and her eldest son had a man to man talk and it a man thing. The kids were really wonderful when I was spending my time with them in the past. I remembered teaching them, being strict in certain ways as I want them to be smart and knowledgable. You know I always wanted a kid for so long, hoping that Elvis and Presley could be mine too as I do love and adore them so much. The younger one also listens to me when I tell him certain things. I remember the time when he was hospitalized and the doctor told him to hold daddy's hand and the way he hold and hug me is something I will never forget. The kids on the train brought back so many memories that it almost make me shed tears. I really do miss the little boys so much. I guess she will never understand how I really feel inside of me, the misery that fills me in when I lost all 3 of them.
In my heart, the kids will always be a remembrance to me and in future if they ever need help, I would be there for them. I wanted to tell her that she has given me a family to love and that is something she should not take away from me as it does hurt alot like losing your own flesh and blood. I do regret alot now for the things that happen and how I wish GOD will let her know how much I am feeling inside of me so that I could be given the chance to make things right again. Now I have lost almost everything and I hardly talk to anyone. Even my colleagues at work asked me why am I so quiet and I hardly speak. I just say that I have nothing to talk. They told me that this is the 1st time they notice an IT guy so quiet. What could I say? I dont wish anyone to know how I am feeling inside. I pray that GOD will look after both the 2 boys and give them the strength to know right from wrong and also learn to forgive.
Nowadays after work I come home and do some things like reading some books, plan for the future. I hardly talk to anyone anymore. After she left, everything around my world falls apart. All I was asking for a chance for her to hear what I have to say to make things right, I do miss the kids honestly and I wanted them to attend church with me also. Now I understand the feeling of having a family and losing them. I would like to thank her for making me feel this way, full of regret and remorse but there is one thing I would like her to know, that is there is no crime in the planet to stop someone from loving the other person with all his/her heart. You were right for me and all we needed was to talk things out as we could always come to an understanding like in the past. Doing things together always makes things better and appreciated. I never said I would not do anything for you. Whoever reads this just need to know that whatever was done in the past I did it for love and maybe I did it in the wrong way for certain things but I honestly do love her alot with the kids as she really did brought happiness in my life in certain ways.
"GOD,PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR THE SINS THAT I HAVE DONE AND GIVE ME A CHANCE TO MAKE IT RIGHT SO THAT WHEN I AM GONE, I WILL BE IN PEACE. AMEN."
Posted by THE SAINT ::
Thursday, July 24, 2008 ::
---------------oOo---------------
22 July, 2008
The feeling is so strong
Today as I got up and left for work in the morning the thought of her came into my mind.The feeling I have for her is so strong. I could still smell the sense on her hair and the touch of her skin. I love the way she smell. Are humans to cruel to forgive?Is the love really that easy to die away?Why do people only remember the bad things and not the good things? I know I was wrong in certain ways but I was never wrong in loving her and the kids. I know in my heart no matter what happens I will love her very strongly as each passing day goes by. I love talking to her and see the way I make her laugh or smile. I never cared much about what others talk about her. I wanted to prove that my love for her was strong. Why is love in singapore so unpredictable?
Dear,no matter what happens, whenever you ever need me I will always be there for you.I know that you are angry with me but sometimes you have to look and see why did this all began. If not for that day on the 16th of May, things would be great for us. All I could do now is hope and pray that one day, you do give me a chance so that I could prove you wrong that things could work out well. This feelings that I have is so strong inside of me that I know,not even time could heal it. Now most of the time I keep to myself and hardly talk much to anyone. Yes being alone now makes feel weird when I shut the world away from me. You were truly the one that has brought true happiness in my heart for all these years that I have waited for. You have also taught me certain things that I am appreciative about. You really are the perfect person for me. I remember the times we had together, the laughter and the sadness, you really kept me busy and I love that. Never have I looked at a woman like the way I looked at you and sometimes you asked me that.You even asked me why I love you so much. Yes I am stupid in making certain mistakes.Yes I did cry to myself when I am alone. I do think about you alot. I miss holding you and hugging you. I really do miss alot of things. At times I would want you to slap me for doing certain things wrong. I would even now ask you to slap me as many times as you like until you could forgive me for the things that had happened. We are so compatible in so many ways. I love taking you out to places and having great fun when we are out. I wanted to take you for facials and many more to show you that I was willing to do almost anything for you. When it comes to love, love can be strange in many ways. Like what the monk once told me that I would meet someone I would love so much and that person will break my heart but in the end she will give me the happiness I need.All I needed was to have some time for her. Whatever he told me in the past is so true about the things that would happen and what the future will bring. I am starting to believe him as I have seen it happened already.
Just want you not to ever forget the times we had together and how well I treated you. Find it in your heart to forgive me like the way I forgive you. You know how faithful I am towards you and how I stay loyal to you. If you ever give me this chance I will treasure it and make it 10x better as before. Now all I could do is hope and pray that one day my prayers will be answered by GOD.Also I will return you certain things and every month do check ya account as I will transfer money to you.Do let me know at least that the money is transferred to you. I am doing something that is honest and I have never cheated anyone in my life before and it will not be you also ever. I am sincere and honest and will always be like that towards you or anyone. Hope that the kids are doing well as I miss holding them, playing with them, taking them out and teaching them.
"NO MATTER HOW GREAT A MISTAKE IS, IT TAKES A HEART STRONGER THAN STEEL TO FORGIVE AND FORGET."
Posted by THE SAINT ::
Tuesday, July 22, 2008 ::
---------------oOo---------------
My new career just started
Now that I have started on my new career, I am able to save at least S$45,000 in 2 years. As an IT Infrastructure coordinator in one of the biggest leading organization located in Raffles Place. I have another job at night too and the income that I earn is making me busy so that I could try and forget her. In my heart I know I do honestly love her alot together with the kids but it seems that she is not matured enough to deal with any situation. I wanted to give her a good future so that she does not need to worry so much about anything. I try my best to talk to her but she just wont bother. I feel that the influence she gets from others make her weak. She does not know how to differentiate right from wrong. All this would not have started if she did not created the mess in the beginning and we would be a happy couple today. Yes I do think alot about her and the things we use to do and the times that we use to spend together. I realised that she is the only woman that so far has brought me both happiness and sadness in many ways. I just hope that she will understand that I have never meant any harm, all I did was tp protect myself from the things that she was doing. I just wish you would know how much she means to me.
In this job, there are many women in my work that I could see but I have no longer have the heart nor interest.Now saving up the amount of money is all that I would wanna do. I have enough for whatever I need as time goes by. But the thought of her in my mind is something that I could not forget. Only if we could sit and talk things out, it would be great. But she keeps giving me the cold treatment and being rude. She was never like this before but I guess I know who she is learning it from or who is teaching her all this. Maybe she is not kind afterall. I just miss the kids especially the younger one. I thought I could be a father to them like what she said. Gosh! I never realised that I love a woman so madly in my life before. Even at home now I dont talk at all, I also at times go to the cinemas to watch a movie alone or walk around alone by myself these days. I cant be like her who could go from one man to another or keep 2 men at a time. I think what I taught her is all wasted. Loving someone deeply only comes once in our life and it is not easy as it hurts alot. My dear Wolf maiden/shino, I hope you will just give a chance to start everything anew rather than runaway from this. Our love was so special and the time spend was so memorable. I really love that alot especially when we had our happy sessions together.Just pick up the phone and call me, I have no anger in me for you and I never will again. Every month I will send you something which I have never done before. I hope that you understand that I am just trying to be honest, sincere and loving. No woman could replace you.
Posted by THE SAINT ::
Tuesday, July 22, 2008 ::
---------------oOo---------------
15 July, 2008
Things which I have learnt
Now I have come to realized how cold a heart could be.At least there is one thing I know is that I know how to differentiate right from wrong. Especially with the guy, Chris Joel who was formerly from JOS, he was the one who has been sending all the emails to all my frens and telling them that I am making use of married women when he himself is doing it by having adultery. You see an Asshole never learns a thing, all he does is sent out emails to others pretending to be someone or saying sonethings. Especially it is the woman I love and still do love in my heart. Even though she lied to me in the past of not knowing that Chris was the one who send out the email, I knew she was lying. Sometimes there are non-educated people who are smart and there are those that are not so smart and make the same mistakes. Chris Joel thinks he is being smart just because he is in canada and when he comes back here he thinks no one knows. And to the woman I love, you might fall for all that nonsense excuses where he or others might tell you but you dont think with your heart. That is why you always end up losing the worse. It is your pride that kills you. Whatever I thought you was for your own good but it seems to show that you never bother to learn what I taught you.You know how well I treated the kids as if they were my own and how I pampered them at times, how I played with them and how much I love them but all you said was it was none of my business. Are you the sort to use someone to get something or just to get in bed with that someone. I always had the thinking you were special and different if I taught you the correct way.
Most of my friends know that I was never married nor never had a fiancee but it was that idiot that made a big fuss about it when he cheats on his wife and also does that to other women like the one in mercedez benz center. Yes I do remember alot of things and yes he is a man without balls, just put his face in front of me and see what happens next. There is a saying, "Dont wake the sleeping lion." The roar is mightier than the bite. All I could say is that I know that you are so good and right for me but it is due to your pride, stubborness and not willing to forgive that makes you lose out in alot of things which will happen in due time as what goes around comes around as many people have advised me. I for one have remain faithful till today for not sleeping with anyone nor being with anyone but you are different. You will still be with someone and will still sleep with that person no matter what it takes to get what you want. All eyes are now on you and something which I never started that you had made it worse, I ask myself whether should I be the one apologizing for all that has happened when in the beginning it was not me who started all the mess. All I wanted was to give you what you wanted and look after you and ask you not to work anymore as I was willing to look after you and the kids. Now that in this new job of mine which is far better than any job that I have come across and due to the help of a good samaritan in recommending me this job that makes me earn alot, I m happy that now my savings will be expanded. I try not to think so much now as the hurt in me is so painful even though after you left I started smoking and taking more sleeping pills to get over you. But GOD knows the answer in my heart that I cant cuz I love you so much as you are really special to me that no one will ever know.Even you will not know how much I love you. I keep this pain in my heart and now I just dont wish to get involve with anyone anymore. I know I will not be able to love as love is now just a question mark. I just wanted the kids and you badly as you have made me a busy but happy man. Forgiveness comes from the heart of the righteous and seeking it will be found where love is undefine.
Thank you GOD for making me understand the right way of things and as long as my heart remains pure with no ill intentions I will have no regrets as I will not be afraid to face anyone. The one that I love will never know the truth till she realize what she has really lost. I am not a quitter but a fighter. So even the man of no balls who is in canada and at times back in singapore thinks he is a super hero, to me he is just a low-life-good-for-nothing-self-centered-imbecile-with-penis-size-of-peanuts.
Posted by THE SAINT ::
Tuesday, July 15, 2008 ::
