UNITED BENETTON of COLORS

24 July, 2008 Memories that keep coming back

As I was on the way to work today morning, at Jurong East MRT, I boarded the train and there were alot of pre-school kids on the train. Looking at them, brings back memories of the time when I was having fun with Presley and Elvis. How much fun I had with them was what I enjoyed the most. I also remember the time when I had a heart to heart talk with the eldest son, telling him how much I love his mum. Both of us did cry but I never told her about it as I just say me and her eldest son had a man to man talk and it a man thing. The kids were really wonderful when I was spending my time with them in the past. I remembered teaching them, being strict in certain ways as I want them to be smart and knowledgable. You know I always wanted a kid for so long, hoping that Elvis and Presley could be mine too as I do love and adore them so much. The younger one also listens to me when I tell him certain things. I remember the time when he was hospitalized and the doctor told him to hold daddy's hand and the way he hold and hug me is something I will never forget. The kids on the train brought back so many memories that it almost make me shed tears. I really do miss the little boys so much. I guess she will never understand how I really feel inside of me, the misery that fills me in when I lost all 3 of them.

In my heart, the kids will always be a remembrance to me and in future if they ever need help, I would be there for them. I wanted to tell her that she has given me a family to love and that is something she should not take away from me as it does hurt alot like losing your own flesh and blood. I do regret alot now for the things that happen and how I wish GOD will let her know how much I am feeling inside of me so that I could be given the chance to make things right again. Now I have lost almost everything and I hardly talk to anyone. Even my colleagues at work asked me why am I so quiet and I hardly speak. I just say that I have nothing to talk. They told me that this is the 1st time they notice an IT guy so quiet. What could I say? I dont wish anyone to know how I am feeling inside. I pray that GOD will look after both the 2 boys and give them the strength to know right from wrong and also learn to forgive.

Nowadays after work I come home and do some things like reading some books, plan for the future. I hardly talk to anyone anymore. After she left, everything around my world falls apart. All I was asking for a chance for her to hear what I have to say to make things right, I do miss the kids honestly and I wanted them to attend church with me also. Now I understand the feeling of having a family and losing them. I would like to thank her for making me feel this way, full of regret and remorse but there is one thing I would like her to know, that is there is no crime in the planet to stop someone from loving the other person with all his/her heart. You were right for me and all we needed was to talk things out as we could always come to an understanding like in the past. Doing things together always makes things better and appreciated. I never said I would not do anything for you. Whoever reads this just need to know that whatever was done in the past I did it for love and maybe I did it in the wrong way for certain things but I honestly do love her alot with the kids as she really did brought happiness in my life in certain ways.

"GOD,PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR THE SINS THAT I HAVE DONE AND GIVE ME A CHANCE TO MAKE IT RIGHT SO THAT WHEN I AM GONE, I WILL BE IN PEACE. AMEN."

Posted by THE SAINT :: Thursday, July 24, 2008 :: ---------------oOo---------------