UNITED BENETTON of COLORS

05 July, 2007 A couple of nice jokes

SMART Businessman
Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice

Son : "I will choose my own bride!!!"

Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter...."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!!!!!"

Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."

Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."

President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"

Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."

President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

THE BEST JOKE AWARD

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and? he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."

The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese,you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the
Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

LESSON 1

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder
lamp.They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each."

So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff, and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in
Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff, and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."

*MORAL OF THE STORY: ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST*

LESSON 2

Standing in front of a
shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "This is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive.

He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."

*MORAL OF THE STORY: NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS
EVERYTHING*

LESSON 3

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA.The American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"

The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."

The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.

The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you!?!"
Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???"

The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese." A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind Of 'key' was he.

The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee' am I ?!"

The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"

*MORAL OF THE STORY: NEVER INSULT ANYONE*

LESSON 4

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French,
who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.

Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4
swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of Water to become, then your wish will come true."

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted"WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.

The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented
with his beer pool.

The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he slipped on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."

*MORAL OF THE STORY: THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE
SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN*

LESSON 5

The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in
charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:

Brain: I should be in charge because I run all body functions.

Blood: I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.

Stomach: I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.

Legs: I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.

Eyes: I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.
Asshole: I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.
To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.

Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief Day 2 -
Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly Day 3 - Legs got cramps
and became unstable Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.

Posted by THE SAINT :: Thursday, July 05, 2007 :: ---------------oOo---------------